ANONYMOUS POST: “I think my new man has Aspergers. Can I ever be happy in a relationship with him?”

” A little while ago, I met and fallen in love with a man who is very kind, intelligent and successful. On the surface we have a lot in common ( we love sport, (golf,) travel and eating out in restaurants,) but as the 18 months we’ve been together has gone on, I have begin to suspect that he has undiagnosed Aspergers. He is very regimented in his habits and very emotionally unforthcoming. He will never consider me or my wishes without being prompted. ( If I do prompt him he will immediately do as I ask.) This stretches even to making a cup of tea. It is as if he just doesn’t consider me. It’s not that he is unkind or selfish – he isn’t, he just doesn’t seem to think in what I consider a normal way for a man to behave with a person he says he loves. I started off thinking that the reason he didn’t behave like all my other boyfriends or my ex-husband did, was because he has been single his entire life and was just not used to having to think for someone else, but I’m beginning to suspect that it is something more entrenched than that. I don’t think he can change. He is quite quiet and withdrawn and quite awkward socially as well. He doesn’t like being with my friends and is much happier doing exactly what he has always done in the way he has always done it. Nothing between us feels spontaneous or joyous. But he is also one of the most interesting, kind and clever people I have ever met, and I believe he loves me. He is never critical, never mean, never jealous around me. I don’t know though, whether I can live with someone like this. Can I ask, please, if it is OK, if anyone in the Village is married or in a relationship with someone who has Asperger’s or if anyone with Asperger’s themselves, can help me? I feel like I just don’t know if things can ever change. Or how to really feel connected and entirely comfortable. I would call myself an extroverted, straightforward, kind of sporty person. I am, I suppose, a bit of a jock. I love playing a round of golf, going for a drink and a laugh at the club house, watching sport with my friends, going out to pubs and that sort of thing. I just don’t know if I can ever, really, be myself with him and much as I love him, I can’t help wondering what our life is going to be like together long term. “

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