How to get over proper, horrible, heart-crushing betrayal and lies.

Q: “Has anyone got any advice about how to get over the ultimate betrayal and lies? I need a virtual hug. At the moment I don’t believe I’ll ever get over the heartbreak and distrust. I need to know that there’s light at the end of the tunnel. Please recommend strategies, therapies and motivational books, advice for healing and mindshift ..?! Anything, that you think will help.”

A: ” Take yourself on an adventure. Treat yourself how you would wish to be treated. Take time, real time to connect to yourself in healthy ways. Remember who you are and that you are worthy of love, first and foremost from yourself.
Time will heal all. Allow yourself to feel the pain and don’t run away from it, because that pain is the key to a part of you that needs to be nurtured….by you.
Immerse yourself in nature…she will reflect and give all the love and answers…
Give thanks that a toxic relationship has left your life and the understanding and peace will come I promise.”

” Read Eckhart Tolle. https://youtu.be/rQEiDXF0VoE. It and he changed my life.”

” I have lived my life by is a famous quote, “If you love some thing, let it go. If it comes back to you, it is yours, if it does not come back, it was never was.”

” Be kind to yourself. Do what you need to do to get through the day. Cry , scream , throw something or be quiet. Whatever you need. It will get better but when you ready till then be strong.”

” If you possibly can see a good relationship counsellor. The relationship which suffers most through this kind of event, is the one you have with yourself. That’s the one you need to take best care of.”

” Allow what you hoped you had to pass on as you would a person that you truly loved… so let it be a suffering of letting go. Let go of what you thought you had, what you thought you wanted, what you thought you were promised, how you thought you were loved….

Allow yourself to grieve the loss of all those empty promises…

E.E. Cummings

You have played,
(I think)
And broke the toys you were fondest of,
And are a little tired now;
Tired of things that break, and—
Just tired.
So am I.

But I come with a dream in my eyes tonight,
And knock with a rose at the hopeless gate of your heart—
Open to me!
For I will show you the places Nobody knows,
And, if you like,
The perfect places of Sleep.

Ah, come with me!
I’ll blow you that wonderful bubble, the moon,
That floats forever and a day;
I’ll sing you the jacinth song
Of the probable stars;
I will attempt the unstartled steppes of dream,
Until I find the Only Flower,
Which shall keep (I think) your little heart
While the moon comes out of the sea.”

” Call on friends when you need them, do little things to comfort yourself when you’re feeling really bad. Little things soothe you when you’re having a particularly bad day but ultimately time is what has helped me. It does get better although it doesn’t feel as though it ever will.”

” Google Ho’oponopono, Dr Hew Len and the miracles performed due to this song. Listen to the Ho’oponopono meditations on Youtube. You’ll be amazed at what you’re able to let go of. Very healing.”

It may be a bit soon to suggest this but as soon as you can, try and forgive. That is the best way to heal yourself. It doesn’t mean you agree with anything done, and you don’t have to like that person anymore but to forgive is the best way for you to move on.”

I rage… I plot fanciful revenge… I imagine karma on my side and that she will allow me to watch the catastrophic downfall of my enemies… I may nudge karmas hand on occasion…. but
Nothing too big that will tickle my guilt gland. Rage can be very cathartic.”

” Set an alarm or egg timer in the early morning. Devote ten minutes to a good cry, rage, laugh, sob, feeling like a victim. After ten minutes, wash your face and devote the rest of the day to you. The person is only allowed ten minutes of your entire day. Get a pedi, mani, colour your hair, start something you were afraid of trying, travel, journal. It gets better over time. Remember to love yourself through the experience.”

” Try not to spend too much time alone. Instead, spend time with those you love and those that love you for who you truly are.
Change the scenery, change your routine, change the things that remind you of your past. Only time heals all wounds so take it one day at a time and you will emerge stronger, wiser and more beautiful than before.”

” Give yourself time to grieve – any kind of betrayal is a loss; whether it be trust, friendship, love or a partner – you need to be kind to yourself and take everything day by day. Try not to obsess about the why’s and if’s; and just focus on getting through the day. Time will eventually help to make it softer. Most importantly remember people do things for the strangest reasons, and not necessarily to cause someone else pain. If you can, forgive, because holding on to that anger and pain is so incredibly self destructive. In time find something to pour all your focus and energy into; a healing therapy course or something to distract your mind. This is ultimately a time of transition- we often rise up stronger after such devastating experiences.”

” Breathe… Only hurt people , hurt people.
1. This is your time now.
2. Draw up a bucket list of anything you have ever wanted to do no matter how silly it my seem, this is about you. (One of mine was I had always wanted to visit a specific ice cream venue).
3. Change your hair colour and visibly make a change in your appearance as this is better than a vacation at times and you too will be treated.
4. Learn that not everyone was the person who hurt you.”

” Their betrayal and lies define them, and not you, so don’t carry the load. Byron Katie has really good material and it’s all available to download free. It’s helped me deal with anger and hurt and let it go. I also love Brene Brown’s teachings on vulnerability, to set us free to just be ourselves. Own what you feel and grieve, it’s part of your healing process, and when you’re ready forgiveness will come.” ” Anything Brene Brown but especially Rising Strong. And most importantly, The untethered soul by Michael A. Singer. And I have found that writing in my journal has helped immeasurably.”

” Watch the video THE SECRET, it is about THE LAW OF ATTRACTION.
It is the best starting block. The best news I can tell you: Soon you will look back and know the paid will be gone. This too shall pass.”

” So many soothing podcasts. The Good Life Project is excellent. https://podcasts.apple.com/…/good-life…/id647826736…

” When you feel so sad and need to weep, the best time is while you are driving. Let it all out and howl and wail. Very therapeutic (if a bit confusing for passing drivers!). It’s so hard. And I think it just takes time. And good friends. And therapy is great.”

” Last night, contemplating all my own dramas in that magical moment just before sleep takes over, the words ‘Rise above it’ came to me. Do that.”

” Thank the universe every single freaking day that he’s not still with you. Then go for a run. Sleep. Repeat.”

” Time, time, time and a good psychologist to keep your thinking realistic. In these circumstances our minds and unrealistic thoughts and expectations are our biggest enemies. Having someone giving you reality checks is very very helpful. Give yourself time to grieve, be angry, etc. and lastly release, close the chapter by forgiving and realising that what you had was in no way perfect. The growth you will be experience in the next phase of your life is amazing. Realising that you probably was not all that authentic to yourself either and that you don’t need a partner to be the best you.”

” Journal, good therapist, 1 close friend that will allow you to offload, some exercise, some wine and positive quotes plastered all over your house and work to remind you that you are a survivor and that you will become a thriver in good time. Forgiveness is the hardest lesson to learn but there can be no growth without letting go!”

” There is such a lot of focus on “forgiveness” and it can add to the whole burden of recovery from betrayal I have found. So this article is a great help! https://www.google.co.za/…/why-forgiveness-is…/amp.”

” If you enjoy reading I recommend The Choice and Educated. Both good reads and will give you a different perspective on life.”

 

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