“My daughter is a diligent and kind person but has always struggled socially. Now she has found a tribe & smoking weed & making dagga cookies is suddenly cool. I’m no prude & like many, went there & got the t-shirt, but it was a once-off experimental thing for me. These girls can’t seem to enjoy themselves without booze & my daughter has been sucked in. According to her I’m a controlling mother who has to let go & trust her. Has anybody else grappled with a similar problem which has worked?”
“ Ohhhhh yes I’ve had this dilemma! With both offspring…now 23 and 21. Both have grown into fantastic, grounded hard working “adults”. At some point they need to own their own “shit”! My son was out of control with weed, at one point, but thankfully, eventually came to his senses and quit. I think my daughter still occasionally smokes with her friends, but not regularly. It’s a tough one tho and I guess I’m quite open minded- having been there, done that and bought the t shirt myself. At the end of the day, no matter what you say or do I think they will push the boundaries and do it anyway. As long as she’s not falling off the rails I’d carry on keeping the communication open, let her know you trust her and that at any point no matter what, she can count on You!”
“ If they want to do it, they’ll do it anyway behind your back and the only way you’ll really know is if you regularly test them. I would prefer to know and guide my child, educate them and encourage them to smoke less. Because at that age they often just pull away and do as they please at other people’s homes.”
“Weed has terrible connotations for me as it is most definitely a trigger for many mental illnesses and I am 99% sure this triggered my brother’s journey into schizophrenia. It would’ve probably been triggered by something else in life, perhaps, but it’s not a benign drug. It’s seen as harmless by many, but it’s certainly not.”
“ I most certainly would not allow it in my home. If she’s living in her own hone and paying her own bills then great, but if she’s living with you then she needs to respect your decisions or rules around this. I can say from experience with 2 siblings who are addicts that the use of dagga created a situation where all they did all day was sleep and get stoned. There was no ambition or interest to get jobs as they were being supported.”
“ If you know she is safe and well grounded, then leave her be. I smoked quite a lot in my early 20s but stopped when I fell pregnant with my daughter. I had a decent job then and have an even more decent job now. I started smoking occasionally again last year to help with dealing with bad anxiety and its really helped. In my opinion it’s so much better than alcohol. That said, if you are not comfortable with her doing it in your home then by all means lay that boundary.”
“The fact that your daughter 8s using this drug as her crutch to be socially accepted is a concern in its.self. I.work with substance abuse and when substances start to become part of their identity and something they NEED is a huge big red.flag. Secondly it still at her age does damage to the brain as the brain is also still developing till 25. Weed is a depressant and in the long run actually makes many more.anxious and depressed.. if your daughter is already socially anxious this may make her initially feel more.relaxed but she may start to rely in it more and more and without it be even more anxious etc. And before you know a dependance has developed. Now the question of is she an adult.. well i think the question is anyone living under your roof no matter the age should respect your rules… personally it sounds.as.if she needs to address her social anxiety asap and find friends with more constructive hobbies and activities.”
“ Been there! My son went through a stage from about 21 to 23. The use progressively increased. At some point I asked if I could make an appointment at a psychologist for both of us and if she could convince me that I was over worrying, I’d back off nagging but if she couldn’t but could tell him facts about damage, he would reduce. It was a great idea. And very objectively, she did manage to tell him her observations with patients.
He stopped soon after. Whether it was due to that, I don’t really know.
But in summary, he did go through the stage, I did not stop telling him my concerns, and he did get over it. Most of his friends did too. Definitely seems to be the norm. Trick, for me… don’t make it easy at home. He wasn’t allowed to smoke at home. And don’t stop talking about the dangers!”
“ To me, whether weed is as bad for a young brain as alcohol, or legal or not, is not important. Young people need to be filled with energy, focus and determination. They need to be able to concentrate, work hard, make the most of every opportunity that comes their way. They need to be competitive against every other young person chasing the same dream they’re chasing. Weed is not designed to stimulate any of those impulses. Smoking it regualry so that it’s a habit or a regular form of recreation, is just not optimum if your’s is a kid with any ambition. I’d have a conversation with her, about her hopes and dreams and discuss what is required to achieve them.’
“So my daughter and her friends smoke. And drink. She went through a phase where it became more than recreational – and we made the choice to not address it, but to casually and gently find out how she was generally and it came to light she was feeling lost and scared. First stop was the homeopath to whom she offloaded how she was feeling. That allowed her to then feel she could speak to us. The remedies helped balance her and we are back to the occasional social drink and puff. Had we made the alcohol and weed the issue it would have driven her away. If you child can relax around these kids she may start to feel more comfortable about who she is and her confidence could improve. It may also not be as bad as you think it is. I’d leave her for now and just create a warm loving accepting relationship between you instead so if she does end up in trouble you can be part of the solution”
“This is normal. She is an adult and needs to walk her own path. Tough for you, but that is how it is..”