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Voices of the Village People: Gary Funnell’s fantastic advice for exhausted, on-the-verge-of-a-breakdown days.

” Solidarity.

Respect to all us parents, caregivers to these precious beings of the future 💚

My comments are not aimed at you directly, but to anyone who might benefit.

These are my own comments and it is always good to take what’s appropriate and then throw the rest out as a pinch of salt…..but you never know.

I am just mentioning a few points, I am sure I have left out the other 1001, ouch. Lol. Rome wasn’t built in a day.

Baby steps. (Small steps)

First let’s discuss supplements: Avoid boosters/stimulants, even if they are “natural”. Ultimately your body will crash, it will gift you a cold, a flu, or find some other way of slowing you down.

* Don’t confuse performance with nurture.

You are not looking to be a superman/superwomen but rather a well nurtured parent with longevity, your kids will need you for at least 20years, ……😘

‘You’ will need ‘you’ for even longer…..

* Just being a parent you are already a super hero. Own this!

Go for something that is balanced. Even though you are screaming for a quick fix, it not worth the “crash”.

“Unintentional consequences” is a real thing.

Nature takes time, you are a part of nature.

(Women’s bodies are extremely complex, what with hormonal tides, any unintentional extreme can lead to circumstances even harder to unravel… ie verge on the path of caution, don’t rush in to any quick fixes)

Homeostasis is your ally.

If anything is going to last, it needs to be small baby steps. Well nurtured ones. And then “time”.

Listen to your emotional intelligence it is communicating with you.

Listen to YOUR body. It is full of sensors. Observe how you breath. Practise which voices to trust and breath into those.

Don’t worry about how your body looks! (This is big one for some people, men and women who want the body they had, immediately and feel misguided shame rather than allowing and accepting the flow of life. Rather focus how you feel inside. This sometimes requires forgiveness and acceptances.

There is a term called retroflection whereby your existence is determined by how others perceive you. We often play into this by being really good for everyone to gain acceptance. The converse of this is also true.

Now is the time you are going to renegotiate this within yourself and know what is right for you. And worry less about presenting an image of perfection to others, where it inappropriate or less important. Even to your life partner.

Take courage to be in your vulnerability yet very much empowered. Let go of the pressure to be a . Don’t confuse self-pity with being in touch with your feelings.

Self-pity is fine, but ultimately it shouldn’t be an indulgence.

Rather learn grief and acceptance as 2x more positive ‘essential’ life skills.

Imperfect, perfect. 💖

To forgive oneself.

Make time to listen to and understand your own resilience, whatever that might mean for you?

Consider this: How do you create longevity in your own (nurtured) resilience?

What permissions or life skills do you need to develop or assert?

** What do you need to tell the people around you in your life, and how will they accept you taking this part of you for you? Does this feel scary? It has to be done, so master skilled honesty.

This does not mean trying to beat the system with uppers and boosters and high sugars or caffeines, but rather looking and saying ” How can I do this differently?”

Ask for help, that takes courage and negotiation. Don’t ever feel embarrassed.

Consider finding a therapist, life coach or social worker. Spending R2000 a month on that can be a Godsend.  We can all benefit from a support system of neutral parties, teaching you how to be your best version of your parenting self.  A person who has a lot of skill to teach you or empath your way through your parenting, is a gift. Learn boundaries without the guilt.

NB!!: Rather than saying “Can I afford it?”, to say “Can I afford not to?” Then have that person on tap for a few years, but don’t become addicted to them. There is no embarrassment in having a coach teaching us how to be the best parent whilst maintaining our self esteem. Or regaining our self esteem. Self worth.

Be less perfectionistic in your ideals!!!….If your work and parenting are taking it out of you, then don’t worry about the dishes, don’t worry about making the bed. Ie…don’t dither with the small or unimportant things. Remind yourself that these things don’t define you. That being the best parent and provider to your family is far more important within this phase of your life. Concentrate on quality not quantity. ”

Like being a responsible hippy, lol! (No drugs tho!!)

Drink water. Place water in your environment so you don’t forget.

Breathe. Put a picture of a sunset or a beautiful forest in your office with sun streaming through, a beautiful waterfall with green grass and sun streaming through, take time to breathe in what that means to you. Don’t overthink it, just breathe it in.

Don’t put a pic up of you, thinner or young! That’s just crazy stuff.

If you got an old sport or hobby that you haven’t done in a awhile, then pics of that, by all means. Go for it. But you’re going forward and not backwards, remember that. The past is the past. But hobbies and sports is more important than trying to go on diet or look younger. As they are a part of you.

You already got pics of your family so those pics MUST be nature, this is for YOU, thus it not about them. It is about connecting you back to yourself as a nurturing technique.

You are already there for everybody else. Mrs/Ms Superwoman.

You probably not gonna get much sleep, but feel loved when you sleep. Even if you are still awake feeding small children, practise feeling loved, it hard when you tired and exhausted, so don’t look for perfection.

Simplify everything around you. Many parents burden themselves with a brand new family car, DSTV, larger home, family dinners, getting pets, internet social media etc etc. You don’t need weight.

If we can keep our costs and chores as low as possible, it will do a lot to allow us to breathe!

Pay attention when you breathe differently?

Parenting already has its costs so we don’t need to exaggerate them. The so called ideal, perfectionist home can wait! Besides, it is the living beings in the home, that are the home, and NOT the bricks and mortar. Remind yourself of this.

Remember qualitive mobility. Ie Give yourself permission to do something each day that mobilises our bodies. We will take a dog for a walk because we love the dog, but not ourselves? Walking moves blood, saturates our bodies with oxygen, removes toxins through the lymphs etc.. now can you see the importance of a wee bit of movement every day?

Steam some veggies, super quick with those Clicks steamers, and very little to wash after.
Eat a good source of quality protein, buy sliced biltong if you don’t have the time and keep a little satchet in your bag or close, or boiled eggs are also quick and inexpensive protein, if biltong to expensive. Most petrol station shops sell them pre-boiled, if you dont have time to do it at home.
Avoid junk food especially 2 min noodles!! They just pure chemicals.

Ok, enough said…..parenting is tiring, and one day leads into another, but we wouldn’t swap it for the world, and in fact it IS our life, but just remember that we are also our life, and need to be nurtured.

Oh, and nearly forgot, ….after all this, get yourself a multivitamin should you feel you’d like one?? lol…..😘😘

Grace, love & peace to all.

Fellow parent

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